Tercera pastilla de caldo literario– 19-12-2023
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Querido Viejito Pascuero, perdona que vuelva a ti, en plan abusón, que ya sé que con una carta te das por enterado, pero tengo que volver a pedirte ayuda porque se me ha montado un lío de pelotas. Pues no va mi antiguo dueño y señor, don Pedro de Valdivia, y me alega que cómo saco en la portada a Pachacutec, el más grande gobernante del imperio inka, y a él, descubridor de Chile, ni unas líneas.
Tú sabrás Viejito, que hemos tenido nuestras tiranteces don Pedro y yo, por un quítame allá unas pajas, vamos que se me fue la mano con la revolución indígena y me lo llevé por delante. Por más que le he explicado que no era nada personal, no ha querido venirse a razones.
Hasta a San Pedro, me refiero al arquero del cielo, lo ha metido en la trifulca y le tengo que explicar día sí y día también, que a su tocayo no me lo cargué por odio, sino por eso tan humano de querer ganar. Que eso es verdad que con los siglos se te pasa, pero en ese momento yo era joven y me sentía imparable. Cuando tuve a don Pedro a tiro, pues eso, que me lo cepillé. Bien es verdad que me podía haber ahorrado lo de la tortura y todo ese tema tan gore, pero en aquellos tiempos no se vencía si no aniquilabas al enemigo y lo mostrabas en la plaza pública para escarmiento de tus enemigos y carnaza para tus aliados.
Ahora sería políticamente incorrecto, y como mucho, le hubiera hecho una moción de censura o una denuncia constitucional, y hasta le habría perjudicado en las redes sociales con esa manía que tenía el buen hombre de cortar manos y narices de sus enemigos.
Pero en aquellos siglos la cosa era como era, y no hay vuelta a atrás.
Además de todos los antecedentes expuestos, don Pedro no paseó jamás por el camino del inka que es el medio de los chefs en los que me reencarno para conocer y propagar la cocina chilena.
Él prefirió llegar a Chile por el tremendo desierto y evitó la matanza producto del clima de mierda del altiplano y la Cordillera.
Por todos los antecedentes que te expongo, me he visto obligado a pedir ayuda al adelantado Almagro para que entre castellanos de honor se entiendan, aunque me han dicho que ahora don Pedro sería extremeño, que no castellano, pero esos temas territoriales me desazonan más que me tranquilizan. ¡Pues no venían todos vestidos de forma incómoda de la misma parte del mundo!
El caso es que don Diego algo me ha ayudado y le ha pedido a don Pedro que olvide los agravios y que firmemos la paz que en vida no fuimos capaces de mantener. Hasta ha encontrado un conservador de la villa de Concepción para que allí firmemos la susodicha paz.
A mí casi se me ha olvidado que me pusieron en contra de todos los pueblos del extremo Chile para conseguir vencerme, lo considero una anécdota de Wikipedia, para que vean de que pasta estoy hecho.
Vamos que no soy rencoroso y hasta le he preparado un cojondongo y un sopicaldo con un frite de cordero para que pase el eterno verano del sur en el que le aparqué, – abro inciso, me lo cargué en diciembre, cierro inciso -, bien alimentado pero fresquito. Don Diego me ha soplado las recetas, y aquí ando, majando almendras con azafrán y huevo duro.
Lo de compartir una pastelera de choclo lo dejo para otro día que sigue muy afectado con el tema inka y no tengo ganas de soliviantarle.
Pues eso, Viejito, que le hables bien de mí al Gobernador a ver si entra en razones sin tener que hacer más parlamentos que con los nuevos estados no está el horno para bollos.
A ti te tengo preparada una chicha de piñones o muday, que algo me han contado que lo tuyo es más de bebercio que de buen yantar; pewkayal, o hasta que nos volvamos a escribir.
Fdo.: Lautaro emulando las habilidades de escribidora de la Duquesa.
Comprar: https://www.diversidadliteraria.com/myriam-garc%C3%ADa-carromero—lautaro-se-viste-de-chef
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